


Taking Care Not to Care

by patientalien



Category: Metalocalypse
Genre: AU, Gen, caring is gay, totally brutal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-11
Updated: 2013-06-11
Packaged: 2017-12-14 15:18:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/838384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/patientalien/pseuds/patientalien
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Caring is gay, but brutality is not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Taking Care Not to Care

**Author's Note:**

  * For [citizenjess (givehimonemore)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/givehimonemore/gifts).



Pickles avoided talking to his mother on a regular basis for a fairly good reason. “Seth’s doing really well with his work in Australia,” she informed him the one time he was too stoned to remember to let her call go to voicemail. “You should call him more often, you’re in his band, it’s only right.”  
  
Pickles stared at the phone and didn’t respond. He could sense Nathan Explosion standing behind him, and hit the “end call” button. “You gotta remind me not to do that,” he said, not turning around.   
  
“Uh, she does know that Dethklok isn’t that douchebag’s band, right?” Nathan asked, plucking the phone from Pickles’ hand.   
  
Pickles turned around and raised an eyebrow. “Are you kidding?” he asked. “She’s probably got herself convinced Dethklok was all Seth’s idea to begin with.” He rolled his eyes. “And I owe him something, or something.”  
  
“You owe him a kick in the crotch,” Nathan responded. “I could kick him in the crotch for you.”  
  
Pickles smirked slightly, lost in the wonderful fantasy of Seth getting his ass handed to him by Nathan Explosion. “Wanna go to Australia with me?” he asked.   
  
Nathan furrowed his brow. “I think we have to stay here and record,” he said, “but after. Yeah.” They lapsed into silence and Nathan stared at him for a long moment. "Uh, kay," he said after that moment became too awkward. "Bye."  
  
He left, leaving Pickles alone with his thoughts. Too often, Pickles found himself brooding over his familial relations. Normally he was pretty down to earth, able to brush off any of the band's in-fighting and petty squabbles, but when it came to his own family, it was a little more difficult.   
  
Sure, he didn't really know his dad's first name and most of the time he was pretty okay with that, but the reason he didn't grated on him. Somehow in the span of his childhood, Seth had been deemed the "good kid", and Pickles had found himself the outcast, thrown aside, despite Seth being nothing more than a common criminal. No matter how much Pickles succeeded, either as the young front man of Snakes n' Barrels, or the most famous drummer in the world for Dethklok, everything he did was measured against Seth's minor achievements, and everything he did was found to be lacking.   
  
Sometimes, Pickles' major achievements even morphed themselves in his parents' minds into Seth's achievements, because apparently Seth had instilled the idea in their parents' minds that Pickles becoming a rock star had been his idea all along, one he deserved all the credit for, despite having no talent whatsoever except when it came to manipulation.   
  
Pickles was about to call his mother back and tell her all of that, but realized Nathan had taken his phone, and he really didn't feel like saying all of that anyway. Instead, he hunkered down on his bed for a good brooding session, punctuated by interruptions from the other guys, and by occasional bathroom-and-pot breaks.  
  


\---

  
  
"So Pickles is acting weird," Nathan informed the rest of the band the next day, when the drummer still hadn't emerged from his family-induced funk. "Should we...?"  
  
"You ams sounding close to carings," Skwisgaar pointed out acerbically.   
  
Nathan narrowed his eyes. "I mean, I was gonna ask if we should taser him or something." Nathan wasn't sure why mentioning a band-mate's mental state counted as caring these days anyway. Just because he'd noticed Pickles was all angry and mopey didn't mean he CARED Pickles was all angry and mopey. Of course not, that was gay.  
  
Toki clapped his hands together. "Yes! A taserings!" he crowed, always happy when it was not him on the receiving end, always a little too enthused about bodily harm to others.   
  
"Down, Toki," Nathan grumbled.   
  
"Why can't we jusht kill Seth?" Murderface asked, stabbing the arm of the couch with one of his many sharp objects. "That's do ush all a favor."  
  
Nathan furrowed his brow. "That could work. I mean, I said I'd kick him in the 'nads, but killing him would be much more brutal." The more Nathan thought about it, the more he liked the idea. Seth was a thorn in the collective side of Dethklok and had been for some times. Besides, he was pretty sure Pickles' birthday was coming up, and this seemed like a pretty metal present.   
  
"Kills hims good!" Toki agreed happily, clapping his hands. A well-placed elbow from Skwisgaar dampened his enthusiasm, but the excitement was still there, palpable. They all knew that murder in the name of one of their own, despite being an act of caring, was decidedly Not Gay.  
  


\---

  
  
"So," Nathan said later that day, standing in the doorway of Charles Ofdensen's office. "Seth's all fucking up Dethklok Australia and he needs to go." It was rare Nathan was so adamant about anything regarding the business end of his little musical empire, so when he did he got Charles' full attention.  
  
"Is he?" Charles asked, looking up from his computer screen. "Nathan, we sent Seth to Australia to keep him out of your way," he reminded the front man. In fact, Seth's appointment to the oft-lamented, and very violent, Australian branch of Dethklok operations had been celebrated by the band at the time. Charles knew something had to have changed, and he sensed Nathan wasn't asking for him to bring Seth back Stateside.  
  
"Yeah, well," Nathan replied, "he still needs to go. We took a vote, had a meeting. Majority rule and all that." He shifted from foot to foot. Charles raised an eyebrow - something serious indeed must be going on for the band to organize without him well enough to hold a meeting at all, let alone a vote on anything.   
  
"Oh...kaay," Charles replied carefully. "What would you like me to do, Nathan?" he asked, deciding to cut right to the chase. He had a feeling he knew, but he needed to make sure, didn't want to jump to conclusions.  
  
Nathan looked at him from under furrowed brow. "You know," he said. "You... take care... of things."  
  
Fair enough. Nathan didn't want to actually say the words, but Charles took his meaning well enough. "I see," he said. "I'll make a few calls."  
  
Nathan glowered at him for a long moment before leaving.   
  


\---

  
  
Pickles supposed he should feel more guilty about what happened to Seth. He knew deep down that his brother's "accidental" death by being mauled by dingoes was not really an accident - Mauled by Dingoes, after all, was the name of one of the band's lesser-known songs. Still, he couldn't bring himself to feel much more than a slight grief, not for Seth, but for his mother, who had called him crying right after the news broke.  
  
All he'd been able to do was say "Well, that's what happens in Australia," before hanging up. In his doorway loomed Nathan Explosion. "So I don't suppose you had anything to do with this," the drummer said.  
  
Nathan scowled. "Of course not," he replied. "That would be gay." He turned, and Pickles heard a faint, "Happy birthday," as Nathan walked back down the hall.


End file.
